Ahhh, four letter words!! What a gift to the spoken & written word. Sometimes there’s just no substitute for a four letter word . . . no substitute for expression perfectionized 
! I’m sure your mind can instantly replay a moment that could be the commercial for why four letter words exist. This 16 part series takes a look at 16 four letter words that will change your life. So let’s dive right in . . . Word #3 »
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Word #3: Fail
This has quickly become one of my favorite words. I may be one of the few, but I think this a great word . . . it just depends on how you look at it.
A couple of weeks ago, my daughter and I were working on her homework and she kinda got stuck in the mud. She came across a difficult problem (drawing a complex 3 dimensional shape) and became very frustrated when she couldn’t easily do it in her first few attempts. Her frustration intensified and ultimately became a showstopper.
So I suggested that she take a break and not return to the problem until she felt better. She pouted a little and quietly sat on the couch. I began preparing dinner in the kitchen and after a few minutes she returned to the problem, took her time with it and figured it out . . . unprompted and unassisted.
Once I realized that she had “gotten out of the mud” and finished her work, I asked her how she felt. She said she felt better and remarked that she understood how her frame of mind (positive or negative) affected her ability to think clearly. I nodded with a smile.
I continued working on dinner and decided this was a great time to start a conversation about the importance of failing. She was a little confused when the conversation began and frankly I don’t blame her. Everyday she goes to school and her teachers encourage her to get everything right. She is rewarded when she’s gotten more correct than her classmates. Straight A’s on her report card are her indicator that everything is going well.
So why was her dad trying to convince her that failing was somehow a good thing, when so much of what she was learning had her convinced it was so bad?
Here’s what I told her . . . Failing is one of the most important things you can do, because that’s when you’re presented with an opportunity to learn something new. Moreover, it’s an indicator that you’re actually doing something! The key is to overcome the fear of making mistakes and focus on not making the same mistakes over and over.
I then encouraged her to get excited about failing and to view each stumble as a faster step towards a better her.
Failing vs Failure
Failing and failure are two pretty popular, seemingly similar forms of the word “fail”. My understanding suggests that they are quite different however.
Failing is simply not doing something intended or correctly in a given situation. Since we are imperfect beings, failing is sorta built into our design . . . it’s a characteristic of human existence. It’s not something to fear or to even experience negatively. It’s just part of who we are . . . plain and simple. The only way to not fail is to be dead!
Thomas Edison tried and failed nearly 2,000 times during his work to develop a carbonized cotton thread filament for the incandescent light bulb. When asked about it he stated that he didn’t fail, he merely discovered 2,000 ways not to make a light bulb.
In my opinion, a person who regularly fails is likely more inner directed than externally so. They’re less concerned with external opinions, so they’re willing to take chances and falter along the way.
Failure on the other hand is a whole different animal. It has a certain permanence and is basically when you’ve given up on trying. Some people mistake their failing at something as being a failure. Then they decide that rather than risk future failing, they’ll ensure failure by never trying again. This is often evidenced by thinking or saying the phrase “I can’t” (or one of its cousins like I’m not or I won’t).
Think back to when you were a toddler (I know . . . your memories of that time are a little fuzzy). There was no shortage of auditory, visual and smellatious information available in environment for you to absorb.
One day, while you were taking it all in, you became more aware then ever that everyone else didn’t get around in the same way that you did. They were kinda upright, while you were on all fours. You and I may have never met, but I know for sure what your next thought was: “I can do that!”
So the process of learning to walk began. You’d pull yourself up on something and then fall right down. Then you’d pull yourself up again and fall right down again. Then you found that you were able to stand for a few seconds before your butt returned to the earth. Then you progressed to getting a step or two in before your next fall.
We all know how the story ends, but imagine this . . . What if after falling down for the 23rd time you decided “I can’t do that” and quit trying to walk? Can you ever imagine a baby coming to that conclusion?
Sounds pretty ridiculous doesn’t it? I’m certain that the toddler version of you thought it was ridiculous too, because there was so much evidence that you could walk. Everyone else was doing it, so of course you could too!
Unfortunately as adults, we’ve developed the “ability” to ignore or invalidate the evidence that we see all around us and instead, decide that we “can’t”.
Henry Ford once said: Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right.
Whether you’re a failure or not is simply a choice. Embrace all of the evidence that proves you can achieve anything you want and fail as fast as you can along the way!
“Many of life’s failures are people who had not realized how close they were to success when they gave up.”
- Thomas A. Edison
American inventor, scientist and businessman
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Hi G. Thanks for this. With Nicole preparing to attend college, this is definitely a well written article I have given to her to read, and she will be taking with her to college. She knows that maintaining a 4.0 in college is going to be more difficult than maintaining a 4.0 in high school. It doesn’t mean that she has been a “failure”. It just means that she has the opportunity to “better herself”. Thanks again.
Tina, thanks for your feedback. College is quite an experience and as relevant as grades are, it is important for students not lose sight of the overall journey that they are on. College is just a “filling station” on the way. I wish Nicole all the best.
I sometimes struggle with the now – especially lately as I’m completely out on a ledge, taking a leap of faith. It’s difficult at times trying not to imagine what “danger lurks below.” But what helps is staying in the present and doing the things I know that I’m supposed to be doing in the now.