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Word #4: Time

Timing is everything.

Time flies when you’re having fun.  (So True!)

There’s no time like the present.  (Personal Favorite)

It’s been a while since I’ve written . . . isn’t it ironic that the topic is time?  I think time is one of the most fascinating and simultaneously, simple concepts ever.  We often spend our moments remembering the past, being in the present and imagining the future.  But whether we’re remembering, being or imagining, we really only have one point of access to the magic of time.  That point of access is now. 

So the reality is that there’s no time OTHER THAN the present.  Now is the only moment in time we ever have.  When we remember previous nows, experience current nows or imagine future nows, all of that mental aerobics takes place now.  Your life is merely a finite string of nows. 

Being present is our way . . .

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present."

- B. Olatunji

Over the next few moments, hours and days, take a look at your thoughts & words and try to determine when your mind is.  As you become more aware of the thoughts you’re having, see if they fit into any of these three categories and decide if you want to change any of them:

1.  Old Movies
Have you ever wished you could’ve or thought you should’ve or even wondered if you would’ve?  I surely have, too many times to count . . .we all have.  The worst part for me is the dwelling on what might have been.

Whenever I’ve used an ould’ve, I was wishing I had the ability to somehow change what had already happened . . . to somehow live that moment differently.  We both know that’s not possible, but knowing that doesn’t seem to discourage that line of thinking! 

Make no mistake, I’m not talking about reminiscing or fondly remembering . . . it’s those moments when you’re back in time reliving the past and actually imagineering the plot differently. 

Maybe you see yourself having the courage to say something you didn’t say or not do something you actually did.  Either way, it’s a fiction who’s author is regret.  Let it go.  It’s literally not worth your time.

2.  Coming Attractions
I’m not here to discourage the visionary in each of us, but some future thinking can be kinda limiting.  If your thoughts and words often include phrases like “I’ll never”, “I won’t”, “If I ever”, you’re likely spending your nows thinking about the future you want to avoid. 

As an alternative, you could choose to think about something you’d like to create in the future.  This shift will prompt your mind to figure out what it can think and do now to lead you to where you want to go.

3.  Now Playing
Physically we’re always in the now.  Our mind joins the party when our thoughts and words resemble “I am”, “I can” and “today”.  These affirmative phrases are powerful and send a signal to ourselves and the universe that we’re ready to get back on the dance floor.

When people reach the end of their life, they don’t have regrets about not working enough hours each day or not purchasing enough things.  They regret not spending more time with loved ones.  They regret not seeing every moment as the magical gift that it was.  They remember those seemingly ordinary moments . . . the laughter, the love.

When you remember, choose to see truth in all that has happened and be nurtured by those memories that affirm you.  When you imagine, view your future with a smile as if you had a lasso around it and were pulling it closer to you each moment.  As you live in the now, know that each moment visits only briefly and our job is not to discard it . . . it is our privilege to experience it. Stay present my friend! 

"Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now. Don’t wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future. Think how really precious is the time you have to spend, whether it’s at work or with your family. Every minute should be enjoyed and savored."

- Earl Nightingale 
Radio Announcer, Author and Speaker

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Right around this time last year my car was stolen (for the second time in two months) and frankly I wasn’t too sad to see it go.  Don’t get me wrong . . . I was grateful to have reasonably reliable transportation, but I just didn’t like the thing!  I nicknamed it “The Beast” because it seemed to live up to that name in every way:

• The paint job reminded me of this really old pair of black shorts I have . . . they’ve been washed so many times that “black” doesn’t really describe the color any more
• It would burn oil just as fast as gas
• Someone broke the antenna off, so the radio was useless
• It took the term blind spot to a whole new level
• It was so low to the ground that the bottom scraped on potholes
• The driver’s side window would often get stuck . . . really stuck.  I’d have to slam the door (sometimes while driving) or hit it with the side of my fist from inside the car, in just the right spot, to get the thing to come back to life
• Someone shot a hole in it one New Year’s Eve, because . . . well it was New Year’s Eve
• And to top all that off, it’s apparently one of the easiest cars to steal!!!

So after it was stolen this time, my insurance company decided that this “investment” wasn’t working out so well for them and cut me a check.

I proceeded to purchase a Volkswagen and before I knew it, I was seeing the suckers everywhere!  It was crazy, no matter where I went or where I looked, those two consonants were staring right back at me.

So again I ask, what was really happening here?  Why was I suddenly aware of all the VWs on the road?

Sight vs Vision

To make sense of this phenomenon let’s contrast sight & vision and see where it leads us.

Sight, as I understand it, is the simple act of observation . . . i.e. having a visual reaction to what exists around you.    But the sheer act of observing doesn’t guarantee that you’ll actually see everything that’s right in front of you.  For some reason I couldn’t really see Volkswagens before I bought one, even though my eyes were wide open every time I pulled The Beast out of the driveway.  Once my awareness was raised (in this case, forcibly), seeing them became effortless.  The great thing is that we can systematically choose to raise our awareness as opposed to having it randomly forced upon us.

I was recently introduced to a design concept called negative space.  I’ve always had an intuitive sense of this concept, but didn’t fully appreciate it or know what it was called.  Then I read a book discussing the importance of the right side of the brain in the modern economy (“A Whole New Mind”, by Daniel Pink).  Great read by the way.  If you’re not familiar with negative space, here’s a visual aid.  Take a look at the following image:

Obviously we’re looking at the FedEx logo.  Have you ever noticed the “arrow” in their logo?  Hold your mouse over the logo shown below to see it:

If you’re just noticing this for the first time, don’t feel bad.  Someone pointed this out to me years ago and I remember saying, “How did I miss seeing that one?!”  FedEx purposely incorporated this negative space into their logo because it contributes visually to the idea that they’ll quickly get your package to any destination.

It’s amazing what you can see once you’ve become aware that it’s right in front of you.

Let’s move on to Vision. At first glance, it would seem exactly the same as Sight. Medically, I have 20/20 “vision” which means I can “see” very clearly.  The Volkswagens would say: “not so much”.

If we think about Vision in broader terms, Vision is more like a synonym for imagination. It’s a way of previewing what is not yet visible . . . what you might plan for yourself.  This distinction is key because we sometimes let what our awareness regularly sees, shape what we think our life is and will be.

In situations like this, real visioning . . . real imagination, is replaced by persistent thoughts about what is and what was.  This greatly limits our ability to imagine & experience something different & new.

When we hold on to and focus only on what we can currently see, we reinforce that reality in our lives and emotionally plan for its continued existence.

Use your awareness to enhance your ability to see what’s already here.  Then give yourself the time and permission to envision that which you would love to bring into existence.  Stay true to that and you’ll see…

At 91 years of age, J. C. Penney (the founder of the JC Penney department stores) was asked about his health. He replied:

“My eye sight is failing but my vision has never been better.”

- J.C. Penney

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Word #3: Fail

This has quickly become one of my favorite words.  I may be one of the few, but I think this a great word . . .  it just depends on how you look at it.

A couple of weeks ago, my daughter and I were working on her homework and she kinda got stuck in the mud.  She came across a difficult problem (drawing a complex 3 dimensional shape) and became very frustrated when she couldn’t easily do it in her first few attempts.  Her frustration intensified and ultimately became a showstopper.

So I suggested that she take a break and not return to the problem until she felt better.  She pouted a little and quietly sat on the couch.  I began preparing dinner in the kitchen and after a few minutes she returned to the problem, took her time with it and figured it out . . . unprompted and unassisted.

Once I realized that she had “gotten out of the mud” and finished her work, I asked her how she felt.  She said she felt better and remarked that she understood how her frame of mind (positive or negative) affected her ability to think clearly.  I nodded with a smile.

I continued working on dinner and decided this was a great time to start a conversation about the importance of failing.  She was a little confused when the conversation began and frankly I don’t blame her.  Everyday she goes to school and her teachers encourage her to get everything right.  She is rewarded when she’s gotten more correct than her classmates.  Straight A’s on her report card are her indicator that everything is going well.

So why was her dad trying to convince her that failing was somehow a good thing, when so much of what she was learning had her convinced it was so bad?

Here’s what I told her . . . Failing is one of the most important things you can do, because that’s when you’re presented with an opportunity to learn something new.  Moreover, it’s an indicator that you’re actually doing something!  The key is to overcome the fear of making mistakes and focus on not making the same mistakes over and over.

I then encouraged her to get excited about failing and to view each stumble as a faster step towards a better her.

Failing vs Failure

Failing and failure are two pretty popular, seemingly similar forms of the word “fail”.  My understanding suggests that they are quite different however.

Failing is simply not doing something intended or correctly in a given situation.  Since we are imperfect beings, failing is sorta built into our design . . . it’s a characteristic of human existence.  It’s not something to fear or to even experience negatively.  It’s just part of who we are . . . plain and simple.  The only way to not fail is to be dead!

Thomas Edison tried and failed nearly 2,000 times during his work to develop a carbonized cotton thread filament for the incandescent light bulb.  When asked about it he stated that he didn’t fail, he merely discovered 2,000 ways not to make a light bulb.

In my opinion, a person who regularly fails is likely more inner directed than externally so.  They’re less concerned with external opinions, so they’re willing to take chances and falter along the way.

Failure on the other hand is a whole different animal.  It has a certain permanence and is basically when you’ve given up on trying.  Some people mistake their failing at something as being a failure.  Then they decide that rather than risk future failing, they’ll ensure failure by never trying again.  This is often evidenced by thinking or saying the phrase “I can’t” (or one of its cousins like I’m not or I won’t).

Think back to when you were a toddler (I know . . . your memories of that time are a little fuzzy).  There was no shortage of auditory, visual and smellatious information available in environment for you to absorb.

One day, while you were taking it all in, you became more aware then ever that everyone else didn’t get around in the same way that you did.  They were kinda upright, while you were on all fours.  You and I may have never met, but I know for sure what your next thought was:  “I can do that!”

So the process of learning to walk began.  You’d pull yourself up on something and then fall right down.  Then you’d pull yourself up again and fall right down again.  Then you found that you were able to stand for a few seconds before your butt returned to the earth.  Then you progressed to getting a step or two in before your next fall.

We all know how the story ends, but imagine this . . . What if after falling down for the 23rd time you decided “I can’t do that” and quit trying to walk?  Can you ever imagine a baby coming to that conclusion?

Sounds pretty ridiculous doesn’t it?  I’m certain that the toddler version of you thought it was ridiculous too, because there was so much evidence that you could walk.  Everyone else was doing it, so of course you could too!

Unfortunately as adults, we’ve developed the “ability” to ignore or invalidate the evidence that we see all around us and instead, decide that we “can’t”.

Henry Ford once said: Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right.

Whether you’re a failure or not is simply a choice.  Embrace all of the evidence that proves you can achieve anything you want and fail as fast as you can along the way!

“Many of life’s failures are people who had not realized how close they were to success when they gave up.”

- Thomas A. Edison
American inventor, scientist and businessman

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Ahhh, four letter words!!  What a gift to the spoken & written word.  Sometimes there’s just no substitute for a four letter word . . . no substitute for expression perfectionized !  I’m sure your mind can instantly replay a moment that could be the commercial for why four letter words exist.  This 16 part series takes a look at 16 four letter words that will change your life.   So let’s dive right in . . . Word #2 »

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Word #2: Mind

“A mind is a terrible thing to waste.”
“Mind over matter.”
“It’s the thought that counts.”
“Use your brain.”  (Personal favorite)

Those are some of my favorite quotes about the mind.

Did you know that the vast majority of brain development occurs in all humans by the age of three?  Picture this . . . on your third birthday, your brain was at nearly 90% of its maximum physical weight.  Additionally, all of the experiences you had up until that age greatly influenced which parts of your brain were stimulated.  Those experiences were like a Darwinian house keeper, instructing your brain to keep certain neurons and synapses (connections between brain cells), while discarding others.

Now that I’ve got you looking at your infancy in a whole new way, fear not!  No matter how those formative years structured your neural pathways, you still wield great power to leverage that grey bag of water to transform your life.  More on that after this statistical detour . . .

Statistical Detour
Research shows that the average person has around 60,000 thoughts per day.  Wow!!!!  60,000?! If my math is correct (brain don’t fail me now), that’s over 40 thoughts per minute!  That’s mind boggling!

Here’s the good news.  Your brain is kinda like a computer.  Your thoughts (all 60,000 of them) are like the software programs you’ve installed . . . some run on start up while others only run when you tell them too.  Fortunately there’s a pretty simple process you can use to make sure that you’re making the most of this daily heap of mental processing power.

Step 1:  Become Aware

As you attempt to figure out if you’re really having 60,000 thoughts per day, you’ll begin to build awareness of the types of thoughts you’re actually having.  Some focus on your relationships, while others are on financial or health matters.  Some are about your favorite music or TV shows and others about your spiritual connection to source.   Some are a little obsessive, while others only come and visit occasionally.  Whether shallow or deep, intellectual or trivial, good or bad, they keep rolling in.  Just commit to pay attention to this marvelous process and decide to use it for your benefit.

Step 2:  Choose

Now that you’re building an awareness of the different types of thoughts you’re having, choose which ones you want to keep and which ones you’d rather not take along for the ride.  The bottom line is that every thought is a choice . . . even the automagical ones . . . you know, the “programs that run on start-up” as soon as you wake up each day.  Accept that even these habitual thoughts are based on choices you made at some point in your life.  They’ve been placed in rather permanent sections of your mental hard drive.  Now you get to decide if they should still have a place there or if you should uninstall them and make room for new ones.

Step 3:  Habitualize

As you choose the thoughts you would prefer for yourself, turn them into new thought habits.  Many studies indicate that it takes approximately 21 days to make a new habit permanent.  To speed this process along, try this:

1. Write down the thoughts you want to habitualize and read them aloud regularly (several times a day).
2. Phrase them as affirmations to assist your mind in assimilating them, even if they don’t currently appear to be true for you.  For example:  “I feel passionate about my life and this passion fills me with excitement and energy.”

Practice makes permanent.

Revisit this three step process regularly, because change is the only constant in this universe and changing your mind is a good thing.

Remember that your mind is an equally powerful ally or foe . . . your choice.

“Emancipate yourself from mental slavery.  None but ourselves can free our minds.”

- Bob Marley
Jamaican Singer, Songwriter and Musician

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Word #1:  Soul

I know what you’re thinking:  “He didn’t ease into this one!  He came right out the gates with a real whopper!”  You speak (think) the truth.  In my young life, my learning and experiences have led me to believe that spirituality is as diverse a subject as any.  On one hand, an overwhelming percentage of the human population believes in the existence of something greater than ourselves.  On the other hand, that homogeny of belief is a potpourri of perspectives.

We approach and experience spirituality through many lenses, including:

• Religion
• Metaphysics
• Quantum Physics
• Mysticism
• Mythology
• And so many others

Regardless of the lens, a common soul-like concept (though the labels vary) seems to exist.

So, what is a soul?

When I think of the concept “soul”, my mind instantly jumps to a quote I’ve often heard:

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience.  We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”

Teilhard de Chardin
French Jesuit & Philosopher

So if this statement from Chardin is true, then my initial question is somewhat flawed, don’t you think?  If’ we’re spiritual beings then our soul is actually a “who”, not a “what”.  Our bodies and all of the material things of this world are the “what”.

Ultimately I believe that the search for spiritual truth is the most personal journey one can embark on.  My only advice to you would be to give it your all and always seek truth.

I accept Chardin’s statement as part of my truth and wish you love & understanding on the journey towards yours!

“You are a little soul carrying around a corpse.”

- Epictetus
Stoic Philosopher

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I think that Happiness is a pretty well discussed topic and frankly an individually definable thing; so there’s probably not much benefit in writing at length about it.  I do think that most (if not all) could agree that it’s an unmistakable feeling and we want more of in our lives. 

Satisfaction on the other hand is a whole different matter. 

What kind of images come to mind when you imagine feeling satisfied?  Maybe it’s that moment right after the last bite of the perfect chocolate chip cookie or it might be that sigh of accomplishment you let out after a job well done.  Or it could be . . . well I won’t go there ;)

What if there’s another side to satisfaction? 

Think about the images that went through your mind earlier.  Did any of them resemble complacency or remind you of a time when fear stopped you from moving in a new direction?  It might seem like I’m coming out of left field right now, so let’s do this:  Why don’t we take a stab at deconstructing satisfaction?

Satisfaction Deconstructed

Ask yourself this:  Is it possible to feel happiness without satisfaction?

Let’s try and figure out if this could be possible. 

The following is a short list of inventions that have transformed modern day society.  What do you think was the common motivation behind each of these historic creations? 

• Airplanes
• Automobiles
• Computers
• Power Tools
• Air Conditioning
• Fiber Optics
• The Cotton Gin
• Television
• Traffic Lights
• The Light Bulb
• Cell Phones
• And on and on and on

While that answer forms in your mind, take a look at this next list.  Form an image in your mind of individuals who’ve overcome these kinds of personal struggles. 

• Poverty
• Abuse
• Addiction
• Discrimination
• Learning Disorders
• Social Conditioning
• Illiteracy

What do you think was the common motivation behind those personal transformations?

When I think of all of the things on both lists, one word comes to mind:  dissatisfaction.  Think about that one for a moment.

You see, all of those inventions and personal transformations only came about because a person’s creativity & determination were inspired by their dissatisfaction with the status quo.  Frankly I’ve never heard of anyone creating anything worthwhile when they were satisfied with what was already present.

Satisfaction is essentially the first cousin of complacency.  It’s a state of rest not growth.

So let’s dig a little deeper into dissatisfaction.  You might think, especially after reading that last list, that dissatisfaction is all about negativity.  I think it depends on how you look at it.

There are many people who don’t like some aspect of their lives.  It may be an individual struggling with poverty, a woman enduring physical & mental abuse from her mate or a laborer who doesn’t like the repetitive inefficiencies of his work.  In all of these cases, these people aren’t necessarily dissatisfied, they’re just unhappy. 

When people are truly dissatisfied, they transition from just feeling unhappy to actually believing they could create a different reality.  Seeing yourself entering the middle class or clear of debt, imagining yourself free of that abusive relationship or envisioning a better way to get the job done . . . In that moment the new possibilities hold a positivity that greatly overshadows any negativity that was there.  That’s when one becomes dissatisfied!

Their dissatisfaction becomes a clarifier, like a contrast knob on an old TV.  It provides a clear contrast between what currently exists in their life and the image of what they would like to bring into reality.  Then they can go about the business of doing it. 

Therefore, dissatisfaction’s focus is overwhelmingly positive. 

When I think of the Wright brothers, Marie Curie, Benjamin Banneker, Eli Whitney, Thomas Edison and scores of other inventors, I can almost feel the optimism, hope and enthusiasm that were born of their dissatisfaction.  I’m sure they experienced, setbacks, frustration and many obstacles in pursuing their achievements, but I am also convinced that their motivation originated in positivity.

So I most definitely believe that you can be happy and not satisfied.  In fact being happily dissatisfied is how I want to live because I know that I’ll achieve and become things I haven’t even imagined.  What I also know is that my dissatisfaction won’t ever preclude my gratitude for all of the things currently in my life. 

Here’s my wish for you:  Recognize and embrace the dissatisfaction in your life.  Use it as a compass for your own creation and you’ll find happiness.   ;-)

"Dissatisfaction is the seed of invention."

- Geuka Amusa 
Writer, Coach & Web Designer

 

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Occasionally I spend quality time on a web site, that a friend shared with me, called Intent.com.  The concept is pretty simple . . . people can freely join the web site to post their intentions and be encouraged by other members of the site as they hold those intentions throughout the days and weeks. 

I occasionally post my own intentions, but more often than not, spend time reading the intentions of others as a source of inspiration and to broaden my thinking about the intentions I have for my life.  I came across an intention the other day that literally stopped me in my tracks.  A woman wrote, and I quote:

My Intent is [to] accept the anger i feel over my daughter’s death, then let it go.

WOW!  I just had to sit there with that one for a while.  It weighed heavily on my heart because, as a parent of a daughter, I felt that I could imagine what she must be going through.  In reality, what I imagined I would feel, wouldn’t likely hold a candle to what I might actually feel if I were really in that situation nor to what this mother is actually feeling now.  I was stunned nonetheless.

When I got over the emotional shock and thought more about her intention, I realized that there was a very deep power within her words.  As I read it over and over again, I noticed that the word that stood out more than any other was “accept”. 

This is a rather extreme example of the surprises life can bring our way, but I believe that whether we feel good or bad about the surprises, our job is to accept that they are.  In other words, to accept that the surprises are part of our experience.

Get Stingy with Acceptance!

I know what you’re thinking . . . “Hello . . . McFly, didn’t you just tell me that my job is to be more accepting?  Then why are you telling me now (as in 3 seconds later) that I should get stingy with acceptance?!” 

Great observation, but let me explain.

I’m a big advocate for living a life based on appreciation, generosity and abundance.  I believe that giving is the essence of love, so don’t let the heading for this section make you frown for too long.  Stinginess is not an enlightened way of being, but we do need to be careful that we’re not accepting just any ole thing. 

As we wrestle with accepting what is, we must develop awareness of our propensity to sometimes accept what isn’t.  In my life, there have been periods when I’ve wrongly accepted what isn’t and incorporated those thoughts, feelings and beliefs into my being. 

When I was a child, I accepted that having an African name was somehow not a good thing, because many of the other kids often made fun of it. 

When I was married, I accepted that the way my wife chose to express her love to me was inadequate because it didn’t align perfectly with how I wanted to receive it.

When we’re in those crucial moments, reconciling what we think, feel and experience, how can we better determine if something is or isn’t? 

Look at the phrases accept what is and accept what isn’t.  What’s the implied word that would complete each statement?  Here’s a hint, it’s one of those really good four letter words.  The word is . . . TRUE.

If truth is what we’re ultimately seeking, then we need to realize that we actually have a choice.  We have the ability to choose to accept what is over what isn’t . . . to choose to see truth in our lives instead of accepting the falsehoods we’ve been conditioned to believe.

Those falsehoods can be mighty convincing though, so try this exercise to help you see them for what they are.  Whenever you feel yourself struggling with a new thought, feeling or belief (or if you want to examine existing ones), simply ask yourself the following:

“Is it true?” 

Be honest with yourself and take your time with it.  If you can’t know for sure that what you think, feel or believe is true, you may have discovered the root of your struggle and can then decide whether or not it’s worth holding on to it.

By questioning what we think, feel and believe we can shift our approach to this world to one where our thoughts, feelings and beliefs are based on truth instead of our truths being based on our thoughts, feelings and beliefs.

It wasn’t true that my name was a bad thing or even something that I actually felt bad about.  What was true was that, like most kids, I wanted to fit in.  Today I marvel at and appreciate the thought that went into naming me.  The meaning that my name carries has become a large part of my identity, simultaneously reinforcing my uniqueness and my connection to my ancestry.  My name is one of my favorite things about me!

It also wasn’t true that my former wife’s love was inadequate or in any way less than complete.  What was true was that we both loved each other to the best of our ability in every moment.  Today I understand that my job is not to judge someone else’s expression, but to accept & appreciate all of the love I receive and love myself with reckless abandon!

So live your life!  Seek truth in all you do and accept that life is a helluva dynamic ride!!  Truth be with you.

"There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn’t true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true."

- Soren Kierkegaard
Danish Philosopher and Theologian

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That’s Tiger Woods in the picture above.  He’s my favorite golfer and frankly the best this planet has ever seen (my opinion).  The fact that I and most golf fans believe this to be true is really irrelevant.  What is relevant is that, despite the ease with which we label him "the best", something within tells him he can be better and motivates him to achieve that.

I think of Tiger as a successful person, but not because of the obvious stuff.  After all he’s the best golfer in the world, is second all time in major championship victories, third all time in total victories, holds more records than an old school jukebox and is still achieving at the highest level!  On top of that, he’s dealt with serious injury and deep personal loss and keeps on truckin.  Despite those “obvious” indicators, I consider him successful for another reason.

Tiger began winning golf tournaments pretty early in his professional career (as well as his amateur career) and quickly rose to be the top ranked golfer in the world.  He was winning by enormous margins and was pretty unbeatable.  So what did he do?  He did the golfer’s equivalent of reinventing one’s self . . . he redesigned his golf swing.  For the non golfer reading this, you may be thinking Big Deal?!

Imagine changing something about yourself that is fundamentally you; like the way you walk, talk or laugh.  Doesn’t sound so easy now does it?  This was truly a huge undertaking and one that garnered a lot of criticism from the media and many fans.  After all, he was winning . . . he was the best, why would he want to change the ingredients of that recipe? 

It was simple.  He wanted to be better and didn’t let his inner hype man convince him to rest on his laurels.  He altered his swing and after some time became more dominant than ever.  The amazing thing is that he’s done this a couple of times now despite the success he’s achieved.

So the real question is what motivates Tiger?  Why does he want to be better?  What’s the internal mechanism he leverages for success? 

The Key to Success

Before we explore that, let’s try to get clear on what success is?  How does one define it?  The most basic definition I can conjure is to accomplish something you planned to do.  Seems pretty straight forward, ehh?  But it also kinda sounds like achievement.  Are success and achievement the same?

Think about it . . . a person could plan to go to work, plan to get work done there, plan to pick up a few things at the grocery store on the way home, plan to cook dinner, plan to clean the kitchen, plan to watch a movie, plan to go to sleep, plan for tomorrow to be the same and accomplish all of those things!  In meeting the basic definition of success, would that person think of themselves as successful?  Or would they simply think that they have accomplished the goals or tasks they outlined for the day?

Ultimately, the answer to those questions depends greatly on the person, but my gut tells me that there’s still more . . . something else that differentiates success and achievement.

What are we still missing?  They both seem to be based on accomplishment, but what if there’s something about the things we accomplish that places them in one bucket or another?  What if there’s something different about the accomplishments that stand out in our memories vs. the ones that have faded some?  What do all of your most memorable accomplishments have in common? 

When I think about my most memorable accomplishments, they’re all related to subjects that I am extremely passionate about (being a parent, meaningful relationships, golf, helping others, African drumming, entrepreneurship, etc.).  Passion is what makes accomplishments in those areas and their presence in my life more important than others. 

So I define success as the pursuit and accomplishment of a the thing most passionate.  For me, this is a continuous process that doesn’t necessarily have an endpoint.  As I grow, tap further into my passions and occasionally discover new ones, my success is a measure of how much I’m living & exploring those passions . . . how much my life is a reflection of what I’m passionate about.

Tiger Woods is passionate about golf and his love for the game drives him to successfully realize his dreams.  Passion is the internal mechanism that he leverages to create the life he wants.

It’s up to you to define what success means to you.  It’s perfectly ok if your definition of success aligns with society’s or is completely different and unique to you.  Either way, just make sure it’s your choice and not some conditioned response you’re playing out.  Be honest with yourself and go for what you know!

Inner happiness ultimately clears the path to your most successful life.  Inner happiness is not the result of success, but rather a prerequisite. 

How do you define success?  I’d love to hear your comments below!

"Success and failure are an inside game. Transform your thinking and you transform your world."

- James Arthur Ray
Creator of Harmonic Wealth®

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I used to be in charge of the web systems at a multi-campus university and ran into an interesting phenomenon on a regular basis.  Over the years we implemented several system upgrades that allowed more administrative staff and faculty to participate in managing the content on the university’s enormous collection of web sites.  I spent a lot of time developing and delivering the training to faculty and staff and noticed that many of the faculty had difficulty . . .

It seemed that, more often than not, the faculty who were PhDs struggled the most to master the simple system used to contribute content to the web site.  It was as if many of these individuals had spent enormous amounts of time and energy achieving high educational distinctions and then decided (maybe unconsciously) that they were finished and had learned all that they needed to.  They behaved as if the capacity meters on their brains were at full and they couldn’t absorb another drop of information.

Just to be clear, I don’t think all PhDs are incapable of learning or have settled on complacency as a way of being.  Some of the most brilliant minds this world has ever seen are PhDs who have contributed greatly to our society and there’s no doubting the importance of education.  On the other hand and equally true, some of the most brilliant minds have also been high school drop outs, yet still left their mark on the world.  But, I digress.

The pattern that I repeatedly encountered led me to believe that some people (PhDs and otherwise) kinda turn themselves off once they’ve achieved something important to them, as if that’s all they were capable of.  They’ve settled into a nice comfortable spot just beyond the finish line and decided that they’re done runnin’.

The opposite of settling into a complacent groove is to carve a new one in growth . . . using that new groove as a foot hold for carving the next.  So, how do you stay on a path of growth?  How do you get unstuck?

Growth is a journey, not a destination

A great place to start is to raise your awareness of the existence of complacency in your life.  We all get complacent at times and frankly, it’s probably pretty normal.  I think the real danger comes from habitualizing that mindset.

Here are a few things you can think about if you feel like you’re stuck in the complacency rut:

1. Master Gardener
   Imagine that you’re caring for an indoor plant.  STOP!!   Wait a second!  You might be the type who’s botanically challenged and can kill bamboo!  Instead, imagine that you’re a master gardener caring for an indoor plant.  Periodically you check on it, trim it, water it, give it a little fertilizer, transfer it to a bigger pot when needed, move it into the sun and even talk to it.  You do all of these things because you know that you are facilitating its growth.  You also know that if you discontinue this nurturing routine, your plant will wither and die.  Now imagine that the plant is you.  Do you nurture and support your own growth in multiple ways?  Who do you treat better, yourself or the imaginary plant?
2. Energy Flows
   Everything that grows needs fuel . . . from a blade of grass, to your waistline, to the hole in the ozone layer.  The question is, what growth are you fueling in your life?  If you’re not sure, ask yourself if the most important aspects of your life are growing in the direction you want.  If the answer to that question isn’t a resounding “YES”, then remember that energy flows where attention goes.  If the things most important to you in life aren’t growing in the direction you want, you may not be focusing adequate attention on them.  You may be focused on the things you don’t want instead of the things you do want.  That thought pattern presumes that the universe operates on a principle of exclusion . . . that focusing on the things you don’t want will somehow exclude them from your life.  Instead, try this experiment:  Presume for one month that the universe is based on inclusion and focus on the things and experiences that you do want in your life.  This shift in attention will shift your energy and ultimately the most important aspects of your life will grow more and more in the direction you want.
3. No How
   When was the last time that you took on a challenge that you had no earthly idea how to accomplish?  Be honest now!  Our minds are pretty powerful and can lay out a plan to do most anything in a split second.  When you come across an opportunity that your brain can’t wrap its thinking around, you’ll have to strain your own potential and grow to achieve it.  I remember when I first started my business in 1997.  It began as a computer consulting company, which meant I was basically a freelance tech support guy.  Most of my clients needed help setting up their computers, installing hardware upgrades or getting software instruction from a patient person.  One day a prospective client asked me if I could build him a web site.  My response was an immediate “Sure!”.  I had never built a web site before and frankly had no idea how to do it, but dammit, I was sure going to figure it out!  I grew from and enjoyed that challenge so much that soon after, I only offered web design related services.  Your job is the “what” not the “how”.  Focus your attention on “what” you want to accomplish and the “how” will present itself. 

Just remember that growth isn’t an exercise to overcome or expel your imperfections, but rather a process of expanding the positivity that already exists within you.

Here’s to your growth journey!

"Each day beckons you to walk on the road of self-transcendence. When we transcend ourselves we do not compete with others, we compete only with our previous achievements. And each time we surpass our achievements, we get joy… Life is nothing but a perpetual possibility."

- Sri Chinmoy
Indian Spiritual Teacher and Philosopher

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There are all kinds of reasons why that behavior might have manifested . . . the end of a relationship, the economy, drama in the workplace, stress . . . all kinds of reasons.  But what if something else was at the root of the problem?

When I was a kid, my brother and I used to tag along with my dad to all of these meetings.  My father was a political activist and community organizer.  He would pass out flyers (I remember my dad calling them leaflets) to encourage people to get involved in something righteous.  He would walk the streets raising money to help the wrongly accused secure better legal representation.  He would march in picket lines to prevent public hospitals from being closed.  He worked with unions to make sure workers were treated fairly.

Each step of the way,  my brother and I were right by his side!  We walked up and down the street collecting change in bins from people interested in supporting our cause.  We walked in the picket lines.  We helped make signs and watched our dad make magic with this old school printing press, cranking out thousands of leaflets with uncanny precision.  Those were the days.

Now imagine this scene . . . my brother and I are at a meeting with our dad.  We’re playing with some other kids; totally engrossed in the fun we’re having.  Then, we hear a sound and everything changes.  The sound is my father whistling; not just any random whistle or his favorite song.  It’s a specific series of tones . . . in total, approximately 2 – 3 seconds in length.  It’s the signal that it’s time to go.  When my brother and I hear this sound, we instantly stop what we’re doing, tell the kids we’re playing with "we gotta go", immediately locate our father and prepare to leave.  Thinking back, it was really amazing how this all worked.  We didn’t question or whine about wanting to stay longer.  We simply executed a conditioned response.

Conditioned Response

Hmmmm, conditioned response.  I know I learned about that somewhere.  Oh yeah, that wonderfully interesting psychology class I took in college.  The professor introduced us to Pavlov, a Russian scientist who performed experiments with dogs.  In case you’re unfamiliar, Pavlov observed that the dogs he worked with would start to salivate when they saw food.  He then wanted to see if something other than seeing the food could make them salivate.  So he introduced an external stimulus . . . the ring of a metronome just as the food arrived.  After a while, the dogs would salivate every time the metronome was rung, even if there wasn’t any food present.

So was I really behaving like a salivating dog?  Was my reaction to my dad’s whistling the embodiment of Pavlov’s theories?  Yeah, pretty much!  Now the good news is that the behavior my brother and I exhibited in our childhood was pretty benign.  Looking back, I truly believe that the system my father put in place saved the whole family some stress.  I’m sure you don’t have to concentrate too hard to conjure up memories of seeing some kid throw a tantrum when it was time to leave.  The only thing that tops it is the gas face on their parent’s mug during the process.

In adulthood, the conditioned responses we have are quite the contrast to their childhood cousins.  Their impact on our lives and the lives around us can be astounding, analogous to falling asleep at the wheel, while life driving.

It’s sad, but it can happen in so many aspects of our lives:

• Relationships
• Parenting
• Health
• Personal Development
• Work
• Political Views
• Social Justice

When we lose the ability to be present in these and other areas, we’ve reduced ourselves to salivating dogs, at the whim of whatever stimulus that comes along.  Want a Scooby snack?

"We are all born into greatness and conditioned into mediocrity."

- James Arthur Ray
Creator of Harmonic Wealth®

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