Comments on: Emotional Intelligence: Control vs Understanding http://humancipate.com/control-vs-understanding/ Connect, Live Free . . . Be! Thu, 20 May 2010 13:02:36 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.6 hourly 1 By: The Importance of Fathers | humancipate! Connect, Live Free . . . Be! http://humancipate.com/control-vs-understanding/comment-page-1/#comment-2037 The Importance of Fathers | humancipate! Connect, Live Free . . . Be! Mon, 02 Nov 2009 15:46:44 +0000 http://humancipate.com/control-vs-understanding/#comment-2037 [...] daughter’s present and future.  I want her to be the best she can be and that desire is not without frustration (mostly with my own abilities as a parent).  The quest to be a better parent and role model [...] [...] daughter’s present and future.  I want her to be the best she can be and that desire is not without frustration (mostly with my own abilities as a parent).  The quest to be a better parent and role model [...]

]]> By: Geuka http://humancipate.com/control-vs-understanding/comment-page-1/#comment-1096 Geuka Fri, 03 Jul 2009 13:30:37 +0000 http://humancipate.com/control-vs-understanding/#comment-1096 Thank you Hilary for the great comment! Meditation is such a powerful tool to raise one's awareness and be free of the modern day mental mania. When we practice it we can see things from a new perspective, tap into new insights and create the positivity we want in our lives. What a fantastic reminder! Being a father to my daughter has been and continues to be the biggest growth & learning experience of my life. Thank you again for sharing! Thank you Hilary for the great comment! Meditation is such a powerful tool to raise one’s awareness and be free of the modern day mental mania. When we practice it we can see things from a new perspective, tap into new insights and create the positivity we want in our lives. What a fantastic reminder!

Being a father to my daughter has been and continues to be the biggest growth & learning experience of my life. Thank you again for sharing!

]]> By: Hilary Harwell http://humancipate.com/control-vs-understanding/comment-page-1/#comment-1095 Hilary Harwell Fri, 03 Jul 2009 13:16:29 +0000 http://humancipate.com/control-vs-understanding/#comment-1095 Geuka - great post and honest acknowledgment of the mirror that our children can sometimes be! What we see isn't always terribly appealing! I think that raising awareness to our thoughts and emotions most certainly aids managing them and detaching ourselves from them in a certain sense. When you become less attached to the emotion you can see it for what it is, how it arises and what causes it. I have found that meditation is a fantastic way to raise awareness of our thought patterns. I love that you highlight forgiving yourself - what a great first step to moving past the problems and being a better parent for your daughter! Geuka – great post and honest acknowledgment of the mirror that our children can sometimes be! What we see isn’t always terribly appealing! I think that raising awareness to our thoughts and emotions most certainly aids managing them and detaching ourselves from them in a certain sense. When you become less attached to the emotion you can see it for what it is, how it arises and what causes it. I have found that meditation is a fantastic way to raise awareness of our thought patterns. I love that you highlight forgiving yourself – what a great first step to moving past the problems and being a better parent for your daughter!

]]> By: Geuka http://humancipate.com/control-vs-understanding/comment-page-1/#comment-43 Geuka Tue, 17 Feb 2009 04:09:47 +0000 http://humancipate.com/control-vs-understanding/#comment-43 Charlese, you are the first to comment on the challenges many men have processing and communicating emotions. I really hadn't thought of it that way, but it's so true. Personally I've struggled with this most of my life and this blog gives me a real opportunity to explore things and learn from others. Great comment!! Charlese, you are the first to comment on the challenges many men have processing and communicating emotions. I really hadn’t thought of it that way, but it’s so true. Personally I’ve struggled with this most of my life and this blog gives me a real opportunity to explore things and learn from others. Great comment!!

]]> By: Charlese Frazier http://humancipate.com/control-vs-understanding/comment-page-1/#comment-42 Charlese Frazier Tue, 17 Feb 2009 03:47:29 +0000 http://humancipate.com/control-vs-understanding/#comment-42 This was a wonderful article and very interesting to read how a man feels. I feel that some men and women as well keep emotions trapped and that makes for explosive situations. I like the emotional baggage reference, because whether we admit it, a lot of us have that. I too have felt my anger or frustration has been laid on the steps of my 17 year old.I think as parents, we sometime forget we are human and make mistakes.Our children are wise beyond years and we are trying to catchup. Through conversation and the willingness to share our feelings, then who knows, we may learn something new. Just be honest with your emotions and listen.... This was a wonderful article and very interesting to read how a man feels. I feel that some men and women as well keep emotions trapped and that makes for explosive situations. I like the emotional baggage reference, because whether we admit it, a lot of us have that. I too have felt my anger or frustration has been laid on the steps of my 17 year old.I think as parents, we sometime forget we are human and make mistakes.Our children are wise beyond years and we are trying to catchup. Through conversation and the willingness to share our feelings, then who knows, we may learn something new. Just be honest with your emotions and listen….

]]> By: Geuka http://humancipate.com/control-vs-understanding/comment-page-1/#comment-39 Geuka Mon, 16 Feb 2009 18:31:29 +0000 http://humancipate.com/control-vs-understanding/#comment-39 Thank you for the kind words. You have raised some really interesting questions that could take this topic to new levels. I too am interested in hearing how people might let go of emotional attachments without losing their passion . . . quite the paradox! Smells like a follow up post!! Thank you for the kind words. You have raised some really interesting questions that could take this topic to new levels. I too am interested in hearing how people might let go of emotional attachments without losing their passion . . . quite the paradox! Smells like a follow up post!!

]]> By: Dan Wilson http://humancipate.com/control-vs-understanding/comment-page-1/#comment-38 Dan Wilson Mon, 16 Feb 2009 16:55:10 +0000 http://humancipate.com/control-vs-understanding/#comment-38 You have shown real wisdom in this article. Whether or not every parent who is unhappy with their child's behavior is really expressing dissatisfaction with themselves is beside the point. You discovered what was true for you and to paraphrase the existentialist philosophers the universal was discovered in the particular. A parallel to this can be found in many of the other high volume interactions to which you alluded. Some of the fiercest philosophical and political debates that have occurred in history were not between people with polar opposite positions. If someone is to my way of thinking completely unlike me I will more than likely dismiss our differences as irrelevant or unimportant. It is the person that is closer to me in reasoning or temperament that can raise my frustrations. I may feel that they are close to perfection if they would just recognize the truth of which I speak or that they are so clearly salvageable as a human being if they would just quit being so dense. It is easy to be patient with the woman I date, harder to be patient with the woman I marry because now I have invested everything in her -not just my better angels but all of my baggage too. I get angry with people with whom I have an emotional stake -whether I recognize that or not. In my profession I work with lots of people. Over the years I have on occasion been accused of being stubborn or opinionated. I am more than sure that there was truth in these accusations. But what I often discovered was that the people who made these charges, often in the heat of an emotional meeting, were people who themselves could be described as strong willed. At the risk of over simplifying, we often argue with ourselves or with traits we do not like in ourselves that we have projected on to others. I too could go on and on about this subject but now I have a question for the author and for the other bloggers. On the one hand my ability to let go and not be king of the universe will certainly lead to a healthier perspective on how I am doing in the world and how others are doing -with lots of grace thrown in. On the other hand my motivation to achieve some degree of excellence at the tasks I take on in life is directly related to my passion and zeal. How do I let go of certain emotional attachments without losing my passion. In other words, Geuka, one of the reasons you are a good parent who is helping to shape such an exceptional human being is that you have strong passions and desires for being a good parent. In the larger world of politics, diplomacy and the market place battle of ideas how does one cling to principles that one believes are right and true without letting frustration over things not working out drive one into behavior that is not constructive, degenerating into shouting matches, coercision or even war? Even in academia I have found that those teachers who keep everything academic in the name of a cool objectivity are sometimes very poor teachers. It is the teacher who has passion who projects that "something important" is at stake in the argument that often moves the student to take words seriously. I would love to hear how people balance this question. You have shown real wisdom in this article. Whether or not every parent who is unhappy with their child’s behavior is really expressing dissatisfaction with themselves is beside the point. You discovered what was true for you and to paraphrase the existentialist philosophers the universal was discovered in the particular. A parallel to this can be found in many of the other high volume interactions to which you alluded. Some of the fiercest philosophical and political debates that have occurred in history were not between people with polar opposite positions. If someone is to my way of thinking completely unlike me I will more than likely dismiss our differences as irrelevant or unimportant. It is the person that is closer to me in reasoning or temperament that can raise my frustrations. I may feel that they are close to perfection if they would just recognize the truth of which I speak or that they are so clearly salvageable as a human being if they would just quit being so dense. It is easy to be patient with the woman I date, harder to be patient with the woman I marry because now I have invested everything in her -not just my better angels but all of my baggage too. I get angry with people with whom I have an emotional stake -whether I recognize that or not. In my profession I work with lots of people. Over the years I have on occasion been accused of being stubborn or opinionated. I am more than sure that there was truth in these accusations. But what I often discovered was that the people who made these charges, often in the heat of an emotional meeting, were people who themselves could be described as strong willed. At the risk of over simplifying, we often argue with ourselves or with traits we do not like in ourselves that we have projected on to others. I too could go on and on about this subject but now I have a question for the author and for the other bloggers. On the one hand my ability to let go and not be king of the universe will certainly lead to a healthier perspective on how I am doing in the world and how others are doing -with lots of grace thrown in. On the other hand my motivation to achieve some degree of excellence at the tasks I take on in life is directly related to my passion and zeal. How do I let go of certain emotional attachments without losing my passion. In other words, Geuka, one of the reasons you are a good parent who is helping to shape such an exceptional human being is that you have strong passions and desires for being a good parent. In the larger world of politics, diplomacy and the market place battle of ideas how does one cling to principles that one believes are right and true without letting frustration over things not working out drive one into behavior that is not constructive, degenerating into shouting matches, coercision or even war? Even in academia I have found that those teachers who keep everything academic in the name of a cool objectivity are sometimes very poor teachers. It is the teacher who has passion who projects that “something important” is at stake in the argument that often moves the student to take words seriously. I would love to hear how people balance this question.

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