Picture this scene . . . You’re at a table in a crowded coffee shop with your laptop and an over-priced drink. You’re watching some ridiculous vids on YouTube, updating your Facebook status and sketching out your latest blog post, while remembering that you actually came here to work! You briefly look up and notice that all the tables are full. Everyone else is just as engrossed in their computer related activity as you just were. And then you think to yourself, why am I here? Didn’t I decide to leave the house and work in a public place, so I could be amongst people?
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Yes, you did! You did come here to be amongst people; maybe to interact or meet someone new. But sure enough, you and all the folks around you are isolated in these computer bubbles. You’re an arms length from each other but might as well be miles away. What gives?
Recently I was on vacation, visiting family. My sister and I decided to take our laptops and work at the local Bread Company. Upon arrival, we spent the first couple of minutes deciding where to sit. It wasn’t very crowded so we had our pick of several seating areas. After choosing our seats, we setup shop and each entered our respective computer bubbles.
As time went on and it crept closer to the lunch hour, the place got more and more crowded. I really love observing people and enjoyed watching as several trickled into our section. It was kind of interesting. I looked up as each person came in, but none noticed my gaze. Each was focused on a single mission . . . finding a table that was near an electrical outlet. It’s funny to see people walking around, looking under tables as if they had lost something . . . contorting their bodies to make sure they’d examined every inch of wall space in search of that powerful prize. Since I wasn’t a three prong receptacle, I was invisible to them!
Some found electrical outlets, others didn’t. But all entered their individual computer bubbles nonetheless. All but one.
The Quest for Connectedness…
I observed this one gentleman. He entered the section where we were sitting and selected a table that others had ignored. You see, this table wasn’t any where near a source of electricity, plus it had an interesting wobble (he spent a few minutes placing something under one of the legs to level it). This guy was the only person in the whole place (other than the employees) without a laptop.
He had a book or a notepad or something and started doing the work he came there to do. Occasionally I noticed a puzzled look on his face, but wasn’t really sure why. After a while, my sister and I broke free of our bubbles to converse briefly . . . I then understood his look. He seemed to be immediately inspired by our dialogue. Just so you understand, I don’t think he took notice because we were discussing something particularly interesting, but rather because we were actually talking to one another. So after a minute or so he and my sister made eye contact and he could no longer hold back his enthusiasm. He blurted out something like “Can you believe everyone’s got one of these things?!”, and the conversation began.
He of course was referring to all the laptops. He was a journalist & college professor and had relied on the use of a computer since the 80s. Though he was a long time computer user, he was convinced that this age of technology proliferation was injecting a certain amount of isolation in our lives. He remarked on how the early days of personal computing were focused on utility and efficiency. Now computers & cell phones are reflections of personal identity like one’s clothing or hair style. Like the commercial says, are you a Mac or PC?
So, I could certainly see where he was coming from. However, I think technology also provides the means to connect with those we wouldn’t otherwise have access to. For example, I recently found a friend on Facebook that I hadn’t communicated with in over 20 years and he currently lives in Alaska. Odds are pretty good that we weren’t going to run into each other.
But there was no denying the merit of his words and our human techno-cocoon
filled setting was proof enough. As my sister and I continued our conversation with this gentleman, touching on subjects like globalization, ethnicity, technology, teaching, journalism and African dance, we started feeling a change. After a few minutes we felt the eyes of people peering out from their bubbles and taking notice of our interaction. It seemed that somehow, if only slightly, each of the bubble bound inhabitants of our section noticed the paradox of the setting and got in touch with their own desire for connectedness.
My sister rotated to another table and started interacting with some other folks. The dense peace was officially disturbed and a few real world conversations were now going strong. We had to depart shortly thereafter, so I’m not sure if the good times kept rollin’, but it reminded me of the importance of connecting with people and the value of deep relationships.
The truth, is that we all desire that connectedness. It is the essence of who we are.
"Our deepest human need is the need to overcome our separateness, to leave the prison of our aloneness."
- Erich Fromm
Social Psychologist and Humanistic Philosopher
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I have a theory about why people flock to coffee shops but remain silent. It’s like keeping the TV on all the time, even though you’re not watching. Going to a coffee shop, plugging in earphones and drowning out everything and everyone around you allows you to be in solitude, without being alone. It allows a kind of public privacy that working at home, alone, doesn’t. There are times when just being around people, even if you never say a word, is quietly and secretly comforting. A simpler answer is that it allows for “people watching” something essential to any blogger/writer/world observer. Sometimes you can learn more about a person by what you see than by what they say, or don’t say.
Great points Denise!! Thank you for sharing!
Do you think that fear and/or rejection influence people to choose the Techno-coocoon (as I put it) over the unpredictable dynamism of human interaction?
Geuka, I think we see the Techno-cocoon at its finest when people walk through crowded places or are at an airport, or restaurant for instance and text or talk on the phone THE ENTIRE TIME!
I think that’s when the fear/rejection monkey rears its head and people use technology to say to others “yeah, I know people, lots of people, look I’m talking/texting them now. I am not alone. I could be here with somebody if I wanted to.” At a coffee shop though, I think a lot of people aren’t talking caus’ they’re busy working – I know that’s usually the case with me.
Ok! I confess, i thought it would be so cool to work with my brother in a coffee shop; my big mega brain brother. and it was. but yes, we were working hard at tasks!
shoot, starting the computers and getting coffee already soaked 30 minutes of our power hour.
now, i think the issue here is: due to technology we’re constantly bluring our work with our play, which results in a disastrous unproductivity on both ends. now, i’m trying to either make my work play, or to really focus when i work work, and open my life for real, connected socializing and discovery when i’m not dashing off emails.
that day, i realized, i’ll just keep it real: and come to the cafe to do what’s best: laugh, ask some questions, exchange some numbers.
seeing my brother in a rare tango with facebook was priceless though,
Malena
@deniseD
I’ve witnessed that phone phenomenon in traffic too! I’ll buy that working bit . . . I actually get some work done in coffee shops every once and a while too! Thanks for sharing
@Malena
Thanks Sis! That was a fun day for sure.