Did you have any heroes when you were growing up? I surely did. When I was growing up, there were definitely a couple of “super stars” that I followed in amazement. I would imagine that I was the star . . . I would become the commentator and the athlete, narrating that last second winning shot and acting it out too. As I have matured however, my definition of hero has shifted greatly.
[Photo Credit]
I did some of my growing up in the Chicago area and fortunately for me this coincided with much of the Michael Jordan and Walter Payton eras with the Chicago Bulls and Chicago Bears respectively. Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player that ever lived (my opinion). His unbelievable skills, creativity, ability to come through in the clutch and will to win were just unparalleled.
For the non football fan, Walter Payton was the running back of the Chicago bears and set the all time NFL rushing record in his day. He was quiet excellence embodied. Walter Payton’s ability to not be easily tackled was astounding. His determination to take defenders head on and to try for that extra yard at all costs was inspiring. He wasn’t faster, bigger or stronger than his opponents, just more determined.
As much as I was in awe of those two talented athletes, I can look back now knowing that neither could hold a candle to my two greatest heroes.
Hero Worship . . .
There have been many moments in my life when I’ve been moved to tears. Folks that graduated high school with me might remember me as the one who turned on the tear faucets once the senior slide show started during our graduation. I was also chief of waterworks for attendees at my wedding. There are plenty of other tear filled moments I could list, but only two that I can think of were inspired by pride . . . and both of them were related to fatherhood.
When I was young, my father delivered a speech at a Martin Luther King day celebration at this old historic church in St. Louis, MO. I was standing on the side of a row of pews, next to this huge column, watching in amazement. His command of the English language was (and still is) truly magnificent. His skills of delivery outstanding. I wanted to yell out to everyone, “THAT’S MY DAD!!!!”. I was so proud that I started crying. My dad has always embodied the kind of humanity that I feel changes the world . . . as a father, community member, activist, author, husband, business owner . . . a man. He’s the reason I always wanted to be a father.
A few years ago, my daughter was taking west African dance. She started just after turning four years old. She was grouped with girls in her age group and they practiced and performed as a unit. After a couple of months of practicing they began performing in public shows. I used to help her practice her moves at home by banging out the rhythm she danced to on the kitchen table. I purchased my first djembé to help her practice her moves with a more realistic sound. At this point in the story, I had seen my daughter perform on several occasions, but one day her performance at a show just brought me to tears. I was crying so hard, you’d think something terrible had just happened. I felt so proud, but also in awe of just how alive she was.
My father and daughter are my greatest heroes.
America’s Next Top . . . Role Model
As a parent, I often think about the impact I have on my daughter’s present and future. I want her to be the best she can be and that desire is not without frustration (mostly with my own abilities as a parent). The quest to be a better parent and role model has often led me back to my childhood . . . back to memories of mastery.
I’m pretty sure that my father knows he’s my biggest role model. He’s never said as much, but looking back at the way he parented me is proof enough.
When I was young and it was time for one of those father-son conversations about everyday subjects (big and small) . . . my father never told me what to do nor what not to do.
Instead, he told me who he was and why he chose to approach the topic at hand in the way he did. He would explain why he didn’t smoke or drink and why he chose to treat all people (especially women) with respect. He passionately made those beliefs clear, supported them with logic and made his life the example.
So it wasn’t that he merely lived up to the “practice what you preach” mantra; it was so much more than that . . . it was leadership. He chose to lead, knowing that I (and my siblings) would follow. What a phenomenal model . . . then and now.
My father and daughter have both taught me so much about life & love! Thank you.
“My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.”
- Clarence Budington Kelland
American Author
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You know I’m a cry baby right? This one almost got me going. Awesome.
If more people, men especially, felt about their dads and daughters the way you do, think of the changes that could come about in this country and the world in general, especially with regard to how we treat our women and children. If you weren’t a dude, I’d post this on Women at Forty!
Thank you so much for your comment Grace! I believe that there are so many ways we can change this world. We just have to overcome the false belief that we’re too small to make a difference.
Thanks for the Women at Forty honorable mention! *smile*
I LOVE this post! My first hero and last hero will always be my father (and my mother too). Fathers are important to boys, but just as important to girls. We choose our boyfriends and husbands by what we see in our fathers. My father worked as a teacher and then principal for more than 30 years, and he barely missed a day of work. He taught us the importance of a good work ethic, and the importance of taking care of your family. I thank God that at age 77, my father is still with us!
wham! this is a dunker — ooo, i’m so thankful for this post. “that’s my brother, that’s my brother!”
So Geuka, i love what you said about our dad, how he is a guiding light instead of a prodding stick in our development; he is cool as cool can do and therefore we wanted to be like him and afterall, much of our personalities are mimicry, so it helps to have a downright awesome father to imitate
it surprises how much i can act a fool when i have not seen daddy in a while and how instantly when we’re together, my composure and clear-mindedness comes back into picture; that’s an argument for the ongoing involvement of parents in our lives; so beyond idol worship, how can bonds embark on deeper levels of friendship and experience?
i think ur case for leadership instead of dictation is a profound one (and especially because you show how children are also leaders) –and at the same time, i wonder: do heroes have to be perfect for us to worship them? does our following of our phenomenal heroes place too much pressure on them to perform?
I guess fathers have two choices — they are either actively great or actively troublesome; but is there a tighter range between these two choices that says: a man can be imperfect as imperfect can be and that is why he is great?
so much to discuss here for sure
Love yaaas and keep it up!
Kalin, Thank you so much for your comment! I’m happy to hear that your father is still with us and has been (and still is) such a positive force in your life.
Malena, you posed several interesting questions. I’ll start with this pair: “Do heroes have to be perfect for us to worship them? Does our following of our phenomenal heroes place too much pressure on them to perform?”
For starters, we are all imperfect. When our heroes are public figures, we often get fooled into thinking we know them. We develop ideas about who they are based on the characters they play, the music they produce or their athletic abilities. We create this bubble of false perfection that’s bound to pop once we get wind of their humanity. In that moment we may come to realize that we didn’t know them as well as we believed we did.
It’s a different story when our heroes are people we really know and love. We’re confronted with their humanity on a regular basis. That grounds our view of them in an admirable reality. So I don’t think our heroes have to be perfect, I just think we have to have firsthand experience with who they are in order for that imperfection to be one of the many reasons we worship them.
As for the second question . . . I think that a person who is true to themselves isn’t affected by the external “pressure to perform” that we might send their way. They excel and perform because it is who they are. They are passionate about what they do with their life and that passion is likely a big part of why we admire them.
Great questions! Look forward to your thoughts.
This article is superb! Your father has done a great job with you. God bless him for that and God bless you as a father, as a son, and as a great human being. Hugs and best wishes to you, my friend!
My dad is an incredible man and I’m truly grateful for the privilege of being his son. Thanks for the kind words Tracey!!!