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Occasionally I spend quality time on a web site, that a friend shared with me, called Intent.com.  The concept is pretty simple . . . people can freely join the web site to post their intentions and be encouraged by other members of the site as they hold those intentions throughout the days and weeks. 

I occasionally post my own intentions, but more often than not, spend time reading the intentions of others as a source of inspiration and to broaden my thinking about the intentions I have for my life.  I came across an intention the other day that literally stopped me in my tracks.  A woman wrote, and I quote:

My Intent is [to] accept the anger i feel over my daughter’s death, then let it go.

WOW!  I just had to sit there with that one for a while.  It weighed heavily on my heart because, as a parent of a daughter, I felt that I could imagine what she must be going through.  In reality, what I imagined I would feel, wouldn’t likely hold a candle to what I might actually feel if I were really in that situation nor to what this mother is actually feeling now.  I was stunned nonetheless.

When I got over the emotional shock and thought more about her intention, I realized that there was a very deep power within her words.  As I read it over and over again, I noticed that the word that stood out more than any other was “accept”. 

This is a rather extreme example of the surprises life can bring our way, but I believe that whether we feel good or bad about the surprises, our job is to accept that they are.  In other words, to accept that the surprises are part of our experience.

Get Stingy with Acceptance!

I know what you’re thinking . . . “Hello . . . McFly, didn’t you just tell me that my job is to be more accepting?  Then why are you telling me now (as in 3 seconds later) that I should get stingy with acceptance?!” 

Great observation, but let me explain.

I’m a big advocate for living a life based on appreciation, generosity and abundance.  I believe that giving is the essence of love, so don’t let the heading for this section make you frown for too long.  Stinginess is not an enlightened way of being, but we do need to be careful that we’re not accepting just any ole thing. 

As we wrestle with accepting what is, we must develop awareness of our propensity to sometimes accept what isn’t.  In my life, there have been periods when I’ve wrongly accepted what isn’t and incorporated those thoughts, feelings and beliefs into my being. 

When I was a child, I accepted that having an African name was somehow not a good thing, because many of the other kids often made fun of it. 

When I was married, I accepted that the way my wife chose to express her love to me was inadequate because it didn’t align perfectly with how I wanted to receive it.

When we’re in those crucial moments, reconciling what we think, feel and experience, how can we better determine if something is or isn’t? 

Look at the phrases accept what is and accept what isn’t.  What’s the implied word that would complete each statement?  Here’s a hint, it’s one of those really good four letter words.  The word is . . . TRUE.

If truth is what we’re ultimately seeking, then we need to realize that we actually have a choice.  We have the ability to choose to accept what is over what isn’t . . . to choose to see truth in our lives instead of accepting the falsehoods we’ve been conditioned to believe.

Those falsehoods can be mighty convincing though, so try this exercise to help you see them for what they are.  Whenever you feel yourself struggling with a new thought, feeling or belief (or if you want to examine existing ones), simply ask yourself the following:

“Is it true?” 

Be honest with yourself and take your time with it.  If you can’t know for sure that what you think, feel or believe is true, you may have discovered the root of your struggle and can then decide whether or not it’s worth holding on to it.

By questioning what we think, feel and believe we can shift our approach to this world to one where our thoughts, feelings and beliefs are based on truth instead of our truths being based on our thoughts, feelings and beliefs.

It wasn’t true that my name was a bad thing or even something that I actually felt bad about.  What was true was that, like most kids, I wanted to fit in.  Today I marvel at and appreciate the thought that went into naming me.  The meaning that my name carries has become a large part of my identity, simultaneously reinforcing my uniqueness and my connection to my ancestry.  My name is one of my favorite things about me!

It also wasn’t true that my former wife’s love was inadequate or in any way less than complete.  What was true was that we both loved each other to the best of our ability in every moment.  Today I understand that my job is not to judge someone else’s expression, but to accept & appreciate all of the love I receive and love myself with reckless abandon!

So live your life!  Seek truth in all you do and accept that life is a helluva dynamic ride!!  Truth be with you.

"There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn’t true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true."

- Soren Kierkegaard
Danish Philosopher and Theologian

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