Ahhh, four letter words!!  What a gift to the spoken & written word.  Sometimes there’s just no substitute for a four letter word . . . no substitute for expression perfectionized !  I’m sure your mind can instantly replay a moment that could be the commercial for why four letter words exist.  This 16 part series takes a look at 16 four letter words that will change your life.   So let’s dive right in . . . Word #3 »

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Word #3: Fail

This has quickly become one of my favorite words.  I may be one of the few, but I think this a great word . . .  it just depends on how you look at it.

A couple of weeks ago, my daughter and I were working on her homework and she kinda got stuck in the mud.  She came across a difficult problem (drawing a complex 3 dimensional shape) and became very frustrated when she couldn’t easily do it in her first few attempts.  Her frustration intensified and ultimately became a showstopper.

So I suggested that she take a break and not return to the problem until she felt better.  She pouted a little and quietly sat on the couch.  I began preparing dinner in the kitchen and after a few minutes she returned to the problem, took her time with it and figured it out . . . unprompted and unassisted.

Once I realized that she had “gotten out of the mud” and finished her work, I asked her how she felt.  She said she felt better and remarked that she understood how her frame of mind (positive or negative) affected her ability to think clearly.  I nodded with a smile.

I continued working on dinner and decided this was a great time to start a conversation about the importance of failing.  She was a little confused when the conversation began and frankly I don’t blame her.  Everyday she goes to school and her teachers encourage her to get everything right.  She is rewarded when she’s gotten more correct than her classmates.  Straight A’s on her report card are her indicator that everything is going well.

So why was her dad trying to convince her that failing was somehow a good thing, when so much of what she was learning had her convinced it was so bad?

Here’s what I told her . . . Failing is one of the most important things you can do, because that’s when you’re presented with an opportunity to learn something new.  Moreover, it’s an indicator that you’re actually doing something!  The key is to overcome the fear of making mistakes and focus on not making the same mistakes over and over.

I then encouraged her to get excited about failing and to view each stumble as a faster step towards a better her.

Failing vs Failure

Failing and failure are two pretty popular, seemingly similar forms of the word “fail”.  My understanding suggests that they are quite different however.

Failing is simply not doing something intended or correctly in a given situation.  Since we are imperfect beings, failing is sorta built into our design . . . it’s a characteristic of human existence.  It’s not something to fear or to even experience negatively.  It’s just part of who we are . . . plain and simple.  The only way to not fail is to be dead!

Thomas Edison tried and failed nearly 2,000 times during his work to develop a carbonized cotton thread filament for the incandescent light bulb.  When asked about it he stated that he didn’t fail, he merely discovered 2,000 ways not to make a light bulb.

In my opinion, a person who regularly fails is likely more inner directed than externally so.  They’re less concerned with external opinions, so they’re willing to take chances and falter along the way.

Failure on the other hand is a whole different animal.  It has a certain permanence and is basically when you’ve given up on trying.  Some people mistake their failing at something as being a failure.  Then they decide that rather than risk future failing, they’ll ensure failure by never trying again.  This is often evidenced by thinking or saying the phrase “I can’t” (or one of its cousins like I’m not or I won’t).

Think back to when you were a toddler (I know . . . your memories of that time are a little fuzzy).  There was no shortage of auditory, visual and smellatious information available in environment for you to absorb.

One day, while you were taking it all in, you became more aware then ever that everyone else didn’t get around in the same way that you did.  They were kinda upright, while you were on all fours.  You and I may have never met, but I know for sure what your next thought was:  “I can do that!”

So the process of learning to walk began.  You’d pull yourself up on something and then fall right down.  Then you’d pull yourself up again and fall right down again.  Then you found that you were able to stand for a few seconds before your butt returned to the earth.  Then you progressed to getting a step or two in before your next fall.

We all know how the story ends, but imagine this . . . What if after falling down for the 23rd time you decided “I can’t do that” and quit trying to walk?  Can you ever imagine a baby coming to that conclusion?

Sounds pretty ridiculous doesn’t it?  I’m certain that the toddler version of you thought it was ridiculous too, because there was so much evidence that you could walk.  Everyone else was doing it, so of course you could too!

Unfortunately as adults, we’ve developed the “ability” to ignore or invalidate the evidence that we see all around us and instead, decide that we “can’t”.

Henry Ford once said: Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right.

Whether you’re a failure or not is simply a choice.  Embrace all of the evidence that proves you can achieve anything you want and fail as fast as you can along the way!

“Many of life’s failures are people who had not realized how close they were to success when they gave up.”

- Thomas A. Edison
American inventor, scientist and businessman

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Ahhh, four letter words!!  What a gift to the spoken & written word.  Sometimes there’s just no substitute for a four letter word . . . no substitute for expression perfectionized !  I’m sure your mind can instantly replay a moment that could be the commercial for why four letter words exist.  This 16 part series takes a look at 16 four letter words that will change your life.   So let’s dive right in . . . Word #2 »

[Photo Credit]

Word #2: Mind

“A mind is a terrible thing to waste.”
“Mind over matter.”
“It’s the thought that counts.”
“Use your brain.”  (Personal favorite)

Those are some of my favorite quotes about the mind.

Did you know that the vast majority of brain development occurs in all humans by the age of three?  Picture this . . . on your third birthday, your brain was at nearly 90% of its maximum physical weight.  Additionally, all of the experiences you had up until that age greatly influenced which parts of your brain were stimulated.  Those experiences were like a Darwinian house keeper, instructing your brain to keep certain neurons and synapses (connections between brain cells), while discarding others.

Now that I’ve got you looking at your infancy in a whole new way, fear not!  No matter how those formative years structured your neural pathways, you still wield great power to leverage that grey bag of water to transform your life.  More on that after this statistical detour . . .

Statistical Detour
Research shows that the average person has around 60,000 thoughts per day.  Wow!!!!  60,000?! If my math is correct (brain don’t fail me now), that’s over 40 thoughts per minute!  That’s mind boggling!

Here’s the good news.  Your brain is kinda like a computer.  Your thoughts (all 60,000 of them) are like the software programs you’ve installed . . . some run on start up while others only run when you tell them too.  Fortunately there’s a pretty simple process you can use to make sure that you’re making the most of this daily heap of mental processing power.

Step 1:  Become Aware

As you attempt to figure out if you’re really having 60,000 thoughts per day, you’ll begin to build awareness of the types of thoughts you’re actually having.  Some focus on your relationships, while others are on financial or health matters.  Some are about your favorite music or TV shows and others about your spiritual connection to source.   Some are a little obsessive, while others only come and visit occasionally.  Whether shallow or deep, intellectual or trivial, good or bad, they keep rolling in.  Just commit to pay attention to this marvelous process and decide to use it for your benefit.

Step 2:  Choose

Now that you’re building an awareness of the different types of thoughts you’re having, choose which ones you want to keep and which ones you’d rather not take along for the ride.  The bottom line is that every thought is a choice . . . even the automagical ones . . . you know, the “programs that run on start-up” as soon as you wake up each day.  Accept that even these habitual thoughts are based on choices you made at some point in your life.  They’ve been placed in rather permanent sections of your mental hard drive.  Now you get to decide if they should still have a place there or if you should uninstall them and make room for new ones.

Step 3:  Habitualize

As you choose the thoughts you would prefer for yourself, turn them into new thought habits.  Many studies indicate that it takes approximately 21 days to make a new habit permanent.  To speed this process along, try this:

1. Write down the thoughts you want to habitualize and read them aloud regularly (several times a day).
2. Phrase them as affirmations to assist your mind in assimilating them, even if they don’t currently appear to be true for you.  For example:  “I feel passionate about my life and this passion fills me with excitement and energy.”

Practice makes permanent.

Revisit this three step process regularly, because change is the only constant in this universe and changing your mind is a good thing.

Remember that your mind is an equally powerful ally or foe . . . your choice.

“Emancipate yourself from mental slavery.  None but ourselves can free our minds.”

- Bob Marley
Jamaican Singer, Songwriter and Musician

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Ahhh, four letter words!!  What a gift to the spoken & written word.  Sometimes there’s just no substitute for a four letter word . . . no substitute for expression perfectionized !  I’m sure your mind can instantly replay a moment that could be the commercial for why four letter words exist.  This 16 part series takes a look at 16 four letter words that will change your life.   So let’s dive right in . . . Word #1 »

[Photo Credit]

Word #1:  Soul

I know what you’re thinking:  “He didn’t ease into this one!  He came right out the gates with a real whopper!”  You speak (think) the truth.  In my young life, my learning and experiences have led me to believe that spirituality is as diverse a subject as any.  On one hand, an overwhelming percentage of the human population believes in the existence of something greater than ourselves.  On the other hand, that homogeny of belief is a potpourri of perspectives.

We approach and experience spirituality through many lenses, including:

• Religion
• Metaphysics
• Quantum Physics
• Mysticism
• Mythology
• And so many others

Regardless of the lens, a common soul-like concept (though the labels vary) seems to exist.

So, what is a soul?

When I think of the concept “soul”, my mind instantly jumps to a quote I’ve often heard:

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience.  We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”

Teilhard de Chardin
French Jesuit & Philosopher

So if this statement from Chardin is true, then my initial question is somewhat flawed, don’t you think?  If’ we’re spiritual beings then our soul is actually a “who”, not a “what”.  Our bodies and all of the material things of this world are the “what”.

Ultimately I believe that the search for spiritual truth is the most personal journey one can embark on.  My only advice to you would be to give it your all and always seek truth.

I accept Chardin’s statement as part of my truth and wish you love & understanding on the journey towards yours!

“You are a little soul carrying around a corpse.”

- Epictetus
Stoic Philosopher

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