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I think that Happiness is a pretty well discussed topic and frankly an individually definable thing; so there’s probably not much benefit in writing at length about it.  I do think that most (if not all) could agree that it’s an unmistakable feeling and we want more of in our lives. 

Satisfaction on the other hand is a whole different matter. 

What kind of images come to mind when you imagine feeling satisfied?  Maybe it’s that moment right after the last bite of the perfect chocolate chip cookie or it might be that sigh of accomplishment you let out after a job well done.  Or it could be . . . well I won’t go there ;)

What if there’s another side to satisfaction? 

Think about the images that went through your mind earlier.  Did any of them resemble complacency or remind you of a time when fear stopped you from moving in a new direction?  It might seem like I’m coming out of left field right now, so let’s do this:  Why don’t we take a stab at deconstructing satisfaction?

Satisfaction Deconstructed

Ask yourself this:  Is it possible to feel happiness without satisfaction?

Let’s try and figure out if this could be possible. 

The following is a short list of inventions that have transformed modern day society.  What do you think was the common motivation behind each of these historic creations? 

• Airplanes
• Automobiles
• Computers
• Power Tools
• Air Conditioning
• Fiber Optics
• The Cotton Gin
• Television
• Traffic Lights
• The Light Bulb
• Cell Phones
• And on and on and on

While that answer forms in your mind, take a look at this next list.  Form an image in your mind of individuals who’ve overcome these kinds of personal struggles. 

• Poverty
• Abuse
• Addiction
• Discrimination
• Learning Disorders
• Social Conditioning
• Illiteracy

What do you think was the common motivation behind those personal transformations?

When I think of all of the things on both lists, one word comes to mind:  dissatisfaction.  Think about that one for a moment.

You see, all of those inventions and personal transformations only came about because a person’s creativity & determination were inspired by their dissatisfaction with the status quo.  Frankly I’ve never heard of anyone creating anything worthwhile when they were satisfied with what was already present.

Satisfaction is essentially the first cousin of complacency.  It’s a state of rest not growth.

So let’s dig a little deeper into dissatisfaction.  You might think, especially after reading that last list, that dissatisfaction is all about negativity.  I think it depends on how you look at it.

There are many people who don’t like some aspect of their lives.  It may be an individual struggling with poverty, a woman enduring physical & mental abuse from her mate or a laborer who doesn’t like the repetitive inefficiencies of his work.  In all of these cases, these people aren’t necessarily dissatisfied, they’re just unhappy. 

When people are truly dissatisfied, they transition from just feeling unhappy to actually believing they could create a different reality.  Seeing yourself entering the middle class or clear of debt, imagining yourself free of that abusive relationship or envisioning a better way to get the job done . . . In that moment the new possibilities hold a positivity that greatly overshadows any negativity that was there.  That’s when one becomes dissatisfied!

Their dissatisfaction becomes a clarifier, like a contrast knob on an old TV.  It provides a clear contrast between what currently exists in their life and the image of what they would like to bring into reality.  Then they can go about the business of doing it. 

Therefore, dissatisfaction’s focus is overwhelmingly positive. 

When I think of the Wright brothers, Marie Curie, Benjamin Banneker, Eli Whitney, Thomas Edison and scores of other inventors, I can almost feel the optimism, hope and enthusiasm that were born of their dissatisfaction.  I’m sure they experienced, setbacks, frustration and many obstacles in pursuing their achievements, but I am also convinced that their motivation originated in positivity.

So I most definitely believe that you can be happy and not satisfied.  In fact being happily dissatisfied is how I want to live because I know that I’ll achieve and become things I haven’t even imagined.  What I also know is that my dissatisfaction won’t ever preclude my gratitude for all of the things currently in my life. 

Here’s my wish for you:  Recognize and embrace the dissatisfaction in your life.  Use it as a compass for your own creation and you’ll find happiness.   ;-)

"Dissatisfaction is the seed of invention."

- Geuka Amusa 
Writer, Coach & Web Designer

 

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I used to be in charge of the web systems at a multi-campus university and ran into an interesting phenomenon on a regular basis.  Over the years we implemented several system upgrades that allowed more administrative staff and faculty to participate in managing the content on the university’s enormous collection of web sites.  I spent a lot of time developing and delivering the training to faculty and staff and noticed that many of the faculty had difficulty . . .

It seemed that, more often than not, the faculty who were PhDs struggled the most to master the simple system used to contribute content to the web site.  It was as if many of these individuals had spent enormous amounts of time and energy achieving high educational distinctions and then decided (maybe unconsciously) that they were finished and had learned all that they needed to.  They behaved as if the capacity meters on their brains were at full and they couldn’t absorb another drop of information.

Just to be clear, I don’t think all PhDs are incapable of learning or have settled on complacency as a way of being.  Some of the most brilliant minds this world has ever seen are PhDs who have contributed greatly to our society and there’s no doubting the importance of education.  On the other hand and equally true, some of the most brilliant minds have also been high school drop outs, yet still left their mark on the world.  But, I digress.

The pattern that I repeatedly encountered led me to believe that some people (PhDs and otherwise) kinda turn themselves off once they’ve achieved something important to them, as if that’s all they were capable of.  They’ve settled into a nice comfortable spot just beyond the finish line and decided that they’re done runnin’.

The opposite of settling into a complacent groove is to carve a new one in growth . . . using that new groove as a foot hold for carving the next.  So, how do you stay on a path of growth?  How do you get unstuck?

Growth is a journey, not a destination

A great place to start is to raise your awareness of the existence of complacency in your life.  We all get complacent at times and frankly, it’s probably pretty normal.  I think the real danger comes from habitualizing that mindset.

Here are a few things you can think about if you feel like you’re stuck in the complacency rut:

1. Master Gardener
   Imagine that you’re caring for an indoor plant.  STOP!!   Wait a second!  You might be the type who’s botanically challenged and can kill bamboo!  Instead, imagine that you’re a master gardener caring for an indoor plant.  Periodically you check on it, trim it, water it, give it a little fertilizer, transfer it to a bigger pot when needed, move it into the sun and even talk to it.  You do all of these things because you know that you are facilitating its growth.  You also know that if you discontinue this nurturing routine, your plant will wither and die.  Now imagine that the plant is you.  Do you nurture and support your own growth in multiple ways?  Who do you treat better, yourself or the imaginary plant?
2. Energy Flows
   Everything that grows needs fuel . . . from a blade of grass, to your waistline, to the hole in the ozone layer.  The question is, what growth are you fueling in your life?  If you’re not sure, ask yourself if the most important aspects of your life are growing in the direction you want.  If the answer to that question isn’t a resounding “YES”, then remember that energy flows where attention goes.  If the things most important to you in life aren’t growing in the direction you want, you may not be focusing adequate attention on them.  You may be focused on the things you don’t want instead of the things you do want.  That thought pattern presumes that the universe operates on a principle of exclusion . . . that focusing on the things you don’t want will somehow exclude them from your life.  Instead, try this experiment:  Presume for one month that the universe is based on inclusion and focus on the things and experiences that you do want in your life.  This shift in attention will shift your energy and ultimately the most important aspects of your life will grow more and more in the direction you want.
3. No How
   When was the last time that you took on a challenge that you had no earthly idea how to accomplish?  Be honest now!  Our minds are pretty powerful and can lay out a plan to do most anything in a split second.  When you come across an opportunity that your brain can’t wrap its thinking around, you’ll have to strain your own potential and grow to achieve it.  I remember when I first started my business in 1997.  It began as a computer consulting company, which meant I was basically a freelance tech support guy.  Most of my clients needed help setting up their computers, installing hardware upgrades or getting software instruction from a patient person.  One day a prospective client asked me if I could build him a web site.  My response was an immediate “Sure!”.  I had never built a web site before and frankly had no idea how to do it, but dammit, I was sure going to figure it out!  I grew from and enjoyed that challenge so much that soon after, I only offered web design related services.  Your job is the “what” not the “how”.  Focus your attention on “what” you want to accomplish and the “how” will present itself. 

Just remember that growth isn’t an exercise to overcome or expel your imperfections, but rather a process of expanding the positivity that already exists within you.

Here’s to your growth journey!

"Each day beckons you to walk on the road of self-transcendence. When we transcend ourselves we do not compete with others, we compete only with our previous achievements. And each time we surpass our achievements, we get joy… Life is nothing but a perpetual possibility."

- Sri Chinmoy
Indian Spiritual Teacher and Philosopher

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There’s no shortage of hype men selling their wares or hype machines socializing the masses.  The question is, do you believe the hype?  Before you answer, let’s make sure we’re talking about the same thing here.

[Photo Credit]

The examples of hype listed above are easily recognized and not too hard to deal with.  However, there’s another kind that’s much more elusive and a real killer.  Here’s a brief story that helped me recognize this other insidious version.

Recognition

A long time friend of mine is really amazing at the work she does.  She strategically facilitates the process of communities becoming more of what they want to be.  Trust me, this kind of work isn’t easy, because it’s different every time you do it and after all, you’re working with people!

Think about any community of people you are apart of.  Your co-workers, the congregation at your spiritual institution, all the parents at your child’s school, the folks on your college campus, maybe that professional association you’re a member of or just the everyday people in your neighborhood.  Not necessarily the most agreeable bunch, ehh?  No matter how you think of and define community, I’m sure that group is full of all kinds of characters.  The larger the group, the more diverse and interesting the dynamics . . . agreeing on common goals becomes even more challenging.

Over the years I’ve observed a few things about my friend and the qualities she brings to this work.  She is incredibly passionate about it and a true student of her industry.  Most importantly, this work is more than "what she does", it’s who she is.  Despite her passion, training, extracurricular learning and years of experience, she often does something which I’ve always been a little puzzled by.

Now understand that this woman is an expert in this field and has the kind of experience you can’t buy!  A friggin expert I tell ya! In her work, she is often challenged by an underinformed viewpoint or distracted by the insertion of a non-strategic strategy.  Now, one could easily dismiss these notions as irrelevant or wrong and move on.  Here’s what she does.  Despite the fact that her intuition and logical mind quickly expose these "ideas" as bankrupt, she always takes a step back to determine if there’s an opportunity to expand her thinking (even in the slightest way) . . . to consider if what she knows to be true can be broadened, strengthened or even refuted.

For some, this frequent self examination may be a sign of insecurity or self doubt.  Not for her.  She constantly takes herself through this examination process because she always wants to become better.  Even though many have thrust the "expert" label on her, she still approaches each situation with the zeal and openness of a newbie.

After giving it a lot of thought, I realized that she’s successful approaching her work this way because she doesn’t believe the hype . . . the internal hype.

The Inner Hype Man

Has anyone ever told you that you were good at something.  It feels good to hear that, doesn’t it?!  It really makes me smile when people I trust tell me that I’m a good parent, for example.  I know that their opinion is genuine and it affirms that the work I’m putting in is making a difference.

Imagine this scenario . . .

Let’s say that I’m hearing that message more and more and a change occurs within me.  Now I’m in trouble!  My inner hype man just got activated . . . you know, my own little Flavor Flav running a muck in my mind.  He’s constantly yelling at me "Yo G, you’re the best dad ever!  You da man!"  After a while I start to really believe that persistent little fellow.  I start to buy what this little hype guy is selling and pat myself on the back for a job well done.  Now I’m setting the stage for the inverse to become true.

Instead of being the best dad ever (more precisely, the best dad I can be), I move towards becoming a mediocre, unobservant, less present dad.  Suddenly I’m no longer working hard to be a good parent, because the inner hype guy has me convinced that I’m already the best.  I’m no longer reflective.  I don’t examine interactions with my child and search for opportunities to improve.  I don’t think about her future development and prepare myself.  In short, I no longer meet my definition of a good parent.  I’ve mentally checked out because I’m convinced I’ve already arrived at destination "great".

This hypothetical scenario could have been centered around any number of life matters (relationships, career, etc.), because the hype man doesn’t discriminate.

When you drink his cool-aid, you’re committing to a mind set that slows your growth and limits your potential.  He’s selling all kinds of stuff and though "good" may be one of the descriptors he uses, it’s all bad.  He’ll peddle low self esteem or arrogance (sometimes both), ignorance or intellectualism, love/hate/indifference, he doesn’t care.  His goal is moving you towards complacency.

If the inner hype man has got your ear, here’s how you sedate the little sucker:

• Focus on growth
• Stay true to yourself
• Remain humble

Authenticity is his enemy, growth is his demise.  If we remain humble and stay committed to a journey of growth, not to the destination greatness, we’ll reach greater heights than we ever imagined.

So do you believe the hype?

"Self-actualization is just learning to be independent of the good opinion of other people."

- Abraham Maslow
American Psychologist

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