There’s no shortage of hype men selling their wares or hype machines socializing the masses.  The question is, do you believe the hype?  Before you answer, let’s make sure we’re talking about the same thing here.

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The examples of hype listed above are easily recognized and not too hard to deal with.  However, there’s another kind that’s much more elusive and a real killer.  Here’s a brief story that helped me recognize this other insidious version.

Recognition

A long time friend of mine is really amazing at the work she does.  She strategically facilitates the process of communities becoming more of what they want to be.  Trust me, this kind of work isn’t easy, because it’s different every time you do it and after all, you’re working with people!

Think about any community of people you are apart of.  Your co-workers, the congregation at your spiritual institution, all the parents at your child’s school, the folks on your college campus, maybe that professional association you’re a member of or just the everyday people in your neighborhood.  Not necessarily the most agreeable bunch, ehh?  No matter how you think of and define community, I’m sure that group is full of all kinds of characters.  The larger the group, the more diverse and interesting the dynamics . . . agreeing on common goals becomes even more challenging.

Over the years I’ve observed a few things about my friend and the qualities she brings to this work.  She is incredibly passionate about it and a true student of her industry.  Most importantly, this work is more than "what she does", it’s who she is.  Despite her passion, training, extracurricular learning and years of experience, she often does something which I’ve always been a little puzzled by.

Now understand that this woman is an expert in this field and has the kind of experience you can’t buy!  A friggin expert I tell ya! In her work, she is often challenged by an underinformed viewpoint or distracted by the insertion of a non-strategic strategy.  Now, one could easily dismiss these notions as irrelevant or wrong and move on.  Here’s what she does.  Despite the fact that her intuition and logical mind quickly expose these "ideas" as bankrupt, she always takes a step back to determine if there’s an opportunity to expand her thinking (even in the slightest way) . . . to consider if what she knows to be true can be broadened, strengthened or even refuted.

For some, this frequent self examination may be a sign of insecurity or self doubt.  Not for her.  She constantly takes herself through this examination process because she always wants to become better.  Even though many have thrust the "expert" label on her, she still approaches each situation with the zeal and openness of a newbie.

After giving it a lot of thought, I realized that she’s successful approaching her work this way because she doesn’t believe the hype . . . the internal hype.

The Inner Hype Man

Has anyone ever told you that you were good at something.  It feels good to hear that, doesn’t it?!  It really makes me smile when people I trust tell me that I’m a good parent, for example.  I know that their opinion is genuine and it affirms that the work I’m putting in is making a difference.

Imagine this scenario . . .

Let’s say that I’m hearing that message more and more and a change occurs within me.  Now I’m in trouble!  My inner hype man just got activated . . . you know, my own little Flavor Flav running a muck in my mind.  He’s constantly yelling at me "Yo G, you’re the best dad ever!  You da man!"  After a while I start to really believe that persistent little fellow.  I start to buy what this little hype guy is selling and pat myself on the back for a job well done.  Now I’m setting the stage for the inverse to become true.

Instead of being the best dad ever (more precisely, the best dad I can be), I move towards becoming a mediocre, unobservant, less present dad.  Suddenly I’m no longer working hard to be a good parent, because the inner hype guy has me convinced that I’m already the best.  I’m no longer reflective.  I don’t examine interactions with my child and search for opportunities to improve.  I don’t think about her future development and prepare myself.  In short, I no longer meet my definition of a good parent.  I’ve mentally checked out because I’m convinced I’ve already arrived at destination "great".

This hypothetical scenario could have been centered around any number of life matters (relationships, career, etc.), because the hype man doesn’t discriminate.

When you drink his cool-aid, you’re committing to a mind set that slows your growth and limits your potential.  He’s selling all kinds of stuff and though "good" may be one of the descriptors he uses, it’s all bad.  He’ll peddle low self esteem or arrogance (sometimes both), ignorance or intellectualism, love/hate/indifference, he doesn’t care.  His goal is moving you towards complacency.

If the inner hype man has got your ear, here’s how you sedate the little sucker:

• Focus on growth
• Stay true to yourself
• Remain humble

Authenticity is his enemy, growth is his demise.  If we remain humble and stay committed to a journey of growth, not to the destination greatness, we’ll reach greater heights than we ever imagined.

So do you believe the hype?

"Self-actualization is just learning to be independent of the good opinion of other people."

- Abraham Maslow
American Psychologist

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